I am decorating the home that came to me by way of a miracle, because I can’t explain how it all happened within seven days.
But let me go back a week, so you can see for yourself. Seven days prior I woke up in the living room of my old apartment on an inflatable bed.
The bedroom was an empty mess! The carpet wet, the bed frame turned on its side, and the ceiling panels on the floor, bloated, after they collapsed on me while I slept, dripping snow and cold water on my body.
The landlord said it would take five days to put a new ceiling panel. But he refused to address the underlying problem: the inevitable buildup of mold, not to mention replacing the carpet or my bed, which he said he wouldn’t do.
I became depressed. I hadn’t had a home for years because deep down I was convinced I did not deserve one.
I sent photos of the mess to my friends:
“Oh Claudia, I am so sorry. When there is something wrong in my house, it hits the core of my insecurities“ said Meg.
I started to shake, because she put a name to the feeling, once the ceiling fell on my face I lost all sense of safety.
“Ugh, it has to be fixed, demand that it be fixed in full” said my brother.
But I couldn’t “fix it”. I didn’t have it in me, I was tired of the neglect, the dirty hallways, the noise, the view of a wall, the lack of sun, and now this. I was ready to surrender.
I went down on my knees. I prayed for guidance. Why could I not give myself a place where I could feel safe? as I prayed and in spite of my distress, I found some relief, and then I had an intuition, or what some people call ‘hearing a voice’ that said:
“Wash your face and then go look for an apartment online”
The cold water woke me up, I felt like a five-year-old after a good cry. There are five things I’ve always wanted in a home:
- a view
- and convenience
I told God that I would not compromise on the things I wanted, and that this would be a good opportunity for him to come through for me. I said that I would take all the necessary steps, but he had to take care of the bigger picture. I told him how angry and sad I was, I told him everything.
I found five apartments within the town I wanted to live in. Four of them had photos but I didn’t like them.
The last one had no photos at all, but the description was right: fifth floor, well-kept building, located in the heart of the little town I love, near the train. I called.
The next day, I went to see it with the man I am spending more and more of my life with and Peggy, the realtor.
When she opened the door I was blinded by the light. I knew it was home, and I felt God blinking and smiling at me.
I dropped into the awe of the impossible south west exposure which guarantees more sunlight than I can take. It had everything, it was home.
“Can you help me get approved”? I asked Peggy.
“Write a letter” she said.
“But what about me not having any income now, and writing a book that is not yet published, and the uncertainty of it all? I can manage, I have some savings and I am working on the book.” I couldn’t shut up.
“Write it all down” she said.
As it turns out, that is the one thing I can do. Write.
I got the keys seven days after I prayed and followed the direction I received from my spiritual connection. It was my birthday. I kid you not.
I could say that it’s all a coincidence, or a lucky thing, but it is not.
God literally moved me out of my bedroom. He didn’t know how else to tell me that it was time!
I don’t get miracles like this to happen every day, but the daily miracle for me is the constant work on the spiritual muscle, and my willingness to listen… Although in this case I was pretty deaf.
My own miracle is the humility to drop on my knees, relieve myself of false pride, recognize how small I am in this universal dance, and ask for help.
When the wishes of God align with mine things happen immediately.
When my wishes do not align with his I need to pray for the willingness to hear and see what it is that He wants us to do.
As Einstein put it: “I want to know God’s thoughts, the rest are details”